#7 Lineker to become Labour Peer

21 Oct 2016

 Today had already proved tough and things didn’t seem to be getting any easier.

 

JC and Maccy weren’t going to make it in again for our daily top-line strategic committee. Something about taking Hard Breakfast together.

 

After a busy morning discussing who Gary Lineker follows on the twitter so we could DM him requesting that he conduct a review into racism in sport, (and then quietly offer him a peerage), I was about to pop out for an off-the-record chat with David Davis’ SPAD to ask him why his boss wanted us to become a police state - before I realised that it wasn't him I wanted but a "David Davies".

 

Anyway as I was realising my mistake, I was rudely interrupted by a colleague which meant I had to remove my air pods (well “air pod” - I’ve lost one already) which I always wear around the office in case any of the Momentum Volunteers try to speak to me.

 

It turned out to be a very welcome interruption. I was humbled to be asked to organise coffee and pastries for the top secret committee meeting taking place tomorrow morning. Well, I believe the committee was top secret until Maccy D dropped his minutes live on the BBC with the heading, Political Consciousness Committee (size 20 comic sans), clear to all.

 

However I was really looking forward to meeting with the Tory SPAD as I had never met a real life Tory before. I thus asked Kate to in my stead pop to the local organic place where they serve coffee in recycled Heinz Baked Beans tins - well until Heinz Baked Beans became horribly overpriced, hashtag Regrexit.

 

Don’t get me wrong I hate the remoaners as much as the next comrade/ fellow prole but my vote for Lexit was in solidarity with a working class subjugated by EU Bureaucracy and draconian EU laws denying us bananas with “abnormal curvature". I didn't vote for prices to go up (though I had hoped Father's house would increase in value).

 

I pondered for about fifteen seconds at the reason for Kate’s exasperation at my request for her to get the coffee but I couldn’t figure it out. I concluded later, after a lengthy discussion about it with Sean, that it must be her opposition to independent coffee shops.

 

Working for the leader of her Majesty’s Most Loyal Opposition has its perks. One being the education I have acquired from Sean about the counter-revolutionary consumer boycott  (Israel being the one exception, naturally). This delighted me for I had always considered a Big Mac essential to sobering up after a demo-building workshop.

 

I was glad Sean our Director of Comms and PR (Proletariat Relations), was not going to be leaving us anytime soon — but then he was elected to lead some policy forum at a Hampstead Momentum meeting, and you can’t argue with democracy.

 

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