Rees-Mogg to de-escalate North Korea with cucumber sandwiches and "a friendly game of polo"

10 Aug 2017

 

A close friend of Jacob Rees-Mogg has revealed to Fake News that the Somerset MP will play a key diplomatic role in the de-escalation of nuclear war with North Korea.

 

According to the source, President Donald Trump believes that the humble aristocrat will help North Korea to understand the folly of its ways. 

 

"Kim Jong Un will have pictures of Thatcher plastered across his palace by morning. He might even send his kids to Eton," said the source, a family friend of the Rees-Moggs since 1452. 

 

But, if things get tense, the source assured Fake News that Mr Rees-Mogg would not be a pushover. "He knows how to patronise people in 131 different languages," he said. "And he's no slouch in an old-fashioned game of fisticuffs either."

Fake News article (yes, you've got it, this isn't real news) from Backbench.

 

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