Archbishop of Canterbury heralds Big Ben's silence as the end of days

21 Aug 2017


As panic grips the whole nation over a clock in the centre of the UK capital, public figures and commoners alike have been voicing their existential angst.


The Archbishop of Canterbury is the latest to come forward and add some sense to the debate. “The Bible is very clear about this, when Big Ben's chimes fall silent our Lord and saviour shall descend from the heavens and those chosen by God will return with him.”


“I'll be fine. I know Jesus very well, but after watching the last series of Love Island I have serious concerns about the rest of you. I for one think the purge can't come soon enough.”


When asked if clocks were present in the Middle East over 2000 years ago he told our reporter to 'naff off'.


Renowned bell-end Piers Morgan was asked if he was interested in the job but said that making loud obnoxious noises at 6 in the morning was already part of his role on Good Morning Britain.


London cabby Barry Michaels also commented that Big Ben's silence would wreak havoc with his work. "Big Ben is the only way Londoners are able to tell the time” he lamented.


"If only there were some way everyone could have their own portable big Ben's, maybe they could fit on your wrist so you wouldn’t lose it, but that's probably just a pipe-dream."

Fake News article (yes, you've got it, this isn't real news) from Backbench.


Subscribe to the weekly Backbench email briefing.


Share on Facebook
Share on Twitter
Please reload

Want to respond? Submit an article.


We provide a space for reasoned arguments and constructive disagreements.

Help to improve the quality of political debate – support our work today.