Theresa May sets date for return to home planet

8 Sep 2017

 

Prime Minister and wheat field trespasser Theresa May has today announced her intentions to depart Downing Street in early 2019, and return to her home world.

 

In a statement, Mrs May confirmed that it was her wish to leave Earth and seek the premiership of the planet from which she originates.

 

Officials from the planet, known only to scientists as ‘Delusionus’, have sought to prevent the Prime Minister’s return, in accordance with policy on low-skilled workers.

 

Mrs May has already organised her journey, a short stop on the Moon planned. David Davis will, reportedly, accompany her with the intention of arranging a post-Brexit trade deal.

 

Conservative MPs have reacted positively, some even rushing to pack the Prime Minister’s suitcase for her. One relieved man was overheard exclaiming “finally, somewhere Momentum won’t follow us.”

 

Whilst warmly received, Mrs May’s announcement was interrupted somewhat rudely by Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson, who stumbled into the room with boxes under his arm.

 

“Sorry, chaps” he was heard to mumble, “Too early.”

Headline suggested by Fionnbharr Rodgers.

 

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