Destitute Brits up and down the country are celebrating today after discovering that the opening of food banks is in fact "uplifting."
The revelation emerged after walking thesaurus and Ali G 'homie' Jacob Rees-Mogg, a higher order of being prone to complex thoughts far beyond the working class, revealed that food banks were in fact a wonderful example of charity.
Allies suggested Mr Rees-Mogg, a likely candidate in 2019's much-awaited Conservative implosion, was not in any way trying to make light of the humiliation and suffering felt by those who rely on food banks, one adding "he was only being a slight arsehole."
When asked for reaction, one user exclaimed "Crikey! He's cracked it! I always knew I was being miserable for no reason!". The man promptly rolled back into his sleeping bag and resumed begging without further comment.
Another woman, a mother of three taking a break from a twelve-hour shift at her local hospital, told journalists "They stock Heinz beans in here and everything. It's good to see the country is on the up."
Some were less understanding, however, one passing man saying "I prefer it when he talks about abortion."
Liberal Conservative colleagues, many of whom find themselves at odds with Mr Rees-Mogg's incessant need to hanker for the nineteenth century, were approached for a response, but instead sank into foetal positions and began to weep.
A Fake News article (yes, you've got it, this isn't real news) from Backbench.
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