Our meaningless slogan is better than yours, says Corbyn

27 Sep 2017

Prime Minister Jeremy Corbyn today left Conservatives shaking when he affirmed once more that Labour was the party of "the many, not the few", the party's most successful focus-group generated slogan since "Hitler was a Zionist too."


The phrase, as ever-present as Laura Kuenssberg's security guards, appeared consistently in Mr Corbyn's keynote speech, leading some to speculate the autocue from which he read had suffered a fault.


Activists were quick to point to attending Blairites, before it was realised that they had already bullied them home.


The Labour leader appeared triumphant as he stood before party faithful, the applause that greeted him drowning out the knocking of barred moderates.


Corbyn's classic "kinder, gentler politics" mantra was considered a potential rallying cry for conference, but it was determined that such a slogan would come into conflict with Mr Corbyn's insistence on honesty.


The speech given by the "absolute boy" marked the end of a party conference widely seen as Mr Corbyn's most successful, with only a handful of comparisons between Israel and Nazi Germany and no sightings of Ken Livingstone.


One particular highlight emerged during an address given by Len McCluskey, who claimed Labour did not lose the last election.


Some accused Mr McCluskey of ignorance to the British electoral system, but fellow fake news site The Canary kindly directed critics to an "accurate" explanation they themselves wrote.


The official closing of this year's Labour conference will be celebrated with a ritual sacrifice.


In unrelated news, Moderate MP Liz Kendall has reportedly disappeared. 

A Fake News article (yes, you've got it, this isn't real news) brought to you by Backbench.


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