Clinton defeat due to curse of evil pixie

22 Oct 2017

 Forrest wanderer and One Show favourite Hillary Clinton has accused evil pixies of sabotaging her presidential campaign, the mythical creatures the most recent of many to be blamed by Secretary Clinton for her defeat in November last year.

 

The pixies, reportedly backed by the Kremlin, supposedly infiltrated DNC headquarters and cursed Clinton staffers, the ineptitude and stiffness that became endemic of the Clinton-Kaine campaign the result of a "malicious curse."

 

The Democratic nominee is to publish a full list of those responsible for Donald Trump's presidency in her next book, titled 'It Wasn't Me'. Publishers have assured critics that all accusations are founded in truth, a 'Bill Clinton' hired to assess the legitimacy of Secretary Clinton's claims.

 

Also to blame for Mr Trump's victory are Kid Rock, Brexit, God's disapproval of the colour blue, and the unfortunate alignment of the planets.

 

President Trump has mocked Secretary Clinton's book, writing on Twitter that he intends to read it once his aides think him capable.

 

Clinton's book, sources say, is to be Mr Trump's first "big read" since attempting to read his tax returns.

 

One Washington insider pointed out that "at least someone had been allowed to try."

A Fake News article (yes, you've got it, this isn't real news) brought to you by Backbench.

 

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