Corbyn denies claims he plans to burn Blair effigy on bonfire night

5 Nov 2017

Labour Leader and absolute boy has today denied claims he will set a forty-foot effigy of Tony Blair in celebration of bonfire night.

 

Mr Corbyn came under fire after he was spotted making a model of the former Prime Minister's head out of papier mache in the Commons tea room.

 

Aides hastily denied that an effigy was being made, one assistant saying "We'd never deface Mr Blair in such a way. It's far easier to just pretend he never existed."

 

"No former Leader of ours shall be thrown onto a bonfire, nor threatened with any other kind of violence" another ally added, "That's what female Tory MPs are for."

 

Shadow Chancellor John McDonnell has denied any involvement in the making of the effigy, telling journalists he was too busy "hauling all that gun powder beneath Parliament."

 

Mr McDonnell swiftly added that, again, he was "only joking."

 

Despite the nature of the claims against him, Mr Corbyn used the opportunity to deflect questions about suspended Shadow Cabinet member Kelvin Hopkins, whom the Labour Leader promoted despite being aware of the sexual harassment claims against him.

 

"This is an innocent art project, for the children of my constituency" the Glastonbury favourite said, "And I must say, Kelvin is very good with his arts and crafts."

 

Mr Corbyn also pointed out to gathered reporters that there was little harm in allowing Mr Hopkins to help with the handling of the effigy, as Tony Blair is not a female party activist.

 

The Labour Leader is expected to appear at a Momentum-hosted event in celebration of November 5th, though the planned fireworks display has been cancelled due to his disapproval of all missiles.

Backbench advises readers do not blow up the Houses of Parliament.

 

A Fake News article (yes, you've got it, this isn't real news) brought to you by Backbench.

 

Subscribe to our weekly briefing.

Share on Facebook
Share on Twitter
Please reload

Want to respond? Submit an article.

SUPPORT BACKBENCH

We provide a space for reasoned arguments and constructive disagreements.

Help to improve the quality of political debate – support our work today.