Foreign Secretary steals turban of Sikh minister in gaff-laden India trip

28 Dec 2017

 

Foreign Secretary and arch-chump Boris Johnson has today incensed the international community in the latest of a string of misdemeanours on a trade mission to India. 

 

In a move which Mr Johnson dismissed as ‘Icarian folly of a Dionysiac nature’, the Foreign Secretary reportedly stole the cultural headdress of former Cabinet Minister Montek Singh Ahluwalia.

 

Sources say that he could be heard shouting the words "utter Turbanter" whilst fleeing the scene, goblet of wine in hand.

 

This comes after a long trip that has been marred by controversy. At the ambassadorial reception in New Dehli, Mr Johnson shocked the assembled guests by informing them of his bowel movements.

 

He allegedly stood atop his chair and slurred: “Due to the igneous nature of this delectable cuisine, I seem to have cleared out the Augean stables much earlier than anticipated.”

 

Mr Johnson, today spoke to the BBC and pledged to reform his ways:

 

“I know facets of my temperament have left me with somewhat of an Alcibiadic reputation, but I feel I too, like the phoenix of old, can rise from my decumbent standing in the international community to one which is more conducive to truly auspicious negotiations.”

Written by Mason Boycott-Owen.

 

A festive Fake News article (yes, you've got it, this isn't real news) brought to you by Backbench.

 

Subscribe to our weekly briefing.

Share on Facebook
Share on Twitter
Please reload

Want to respond? Submit an article.

SUPPORT BACKBENCH

We provide a space for reasoned arguments and constructive disagreements.

Help to improve the quality of political debate – support our work today.