The United Kingdom has today rallied around former UKIP leader and alcoholic Nigel Farage who has been left destitute by horrific yuletide injustice.
Upon reading Farage’s interview in the Daily Mail this week, many were appalled to hear how Nigel is now “53, separated and skint.”
Mark Runcorn from Bermondsey commented: “It’s horrific, nobody should have to put up with being 53.”
The outpouring of love and support for Farage has been masterminded by UKIP member Debbie Roberts from Southport.
Debbie, a self-confessed Farage-aholic said: “If you ask me, it’s disgraceful to see our mighty British lion cast down so low.
“Tonight, throughout the country, men, women and immigrants are all lighting a candle for Nigel this Christmas, he won’t be forgotten.”
Speaking to a dishevelled Farage at his £4 million house in Chelsea, he said: “I’m flattered and humbled, I really am. Things really are getting rather dire – have you tried Cava? It’s ghastly.
“But this is not just about me, it’s about the lot of so many people like myself this festive season. This Christmas let’s remember the CIS white male, we really do have the odds stacked against us.”
“I won’t be alone this Christmas however, many of us on the right have fallen on hard times.
“Katie Hopkins is out of a job so currently sleeping on my sofa. She’s selling hand-knitted legwarmers for chair legs, it’s all gone a bit pear-shaped for the old girl.”
Written by Mason Boycott-Owen.
A festive Fake News article (yes, you've got it, this isn't real news) brought to you by Backbench.
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