Larry the Cat to lead coup in bid for Downing Street

9 Jan 2018

Larry the Cat has today announced his intentions to launch a coup against Theresa May and assert himself as Prime Minister.

 

The Chief Mouser will call together a meeting of allies this afternoon and 'discuss' strategy.

 

Cabinet allies insist the gathering will be productive

 

The move comes after a rocky start to the year for Mrs May, with this being her most difficult week since last week.

 

Larry is understood to be greatly irritated by the Prime Minister's refusal to promote him.

 

"Theresa May has proven herself to be spineless and ineffective. She surrounds herself with similarly flawed people" a spokesman said, "Therefore, the best course of action is to appoint a cat in her place."

 

As well as a fudged reshuffle, Mrs May has also come under fire for approving the appointment of eugenics fan Toby Young to the board of the Office for Students.

 

"He once said that he prefers dogs to cats" a close confidante of Larry told Backbench, "Larry found it extremely offensive."

 

Some have dragged up old tweets of Larry's in reaction to news of his leadership bid, critics suggesting past comments should disqualify him from high office.

Backbench reached out to the Larry campaign for a response, and received the following reply:

 

"Larry very much regrets past comments he made about mice, and his desire to kill them. Such remarks no longer reflect his views. Indeed, he hopes mice will collaborate with him in his bid for Downing Street."

 

The statement was somewhat undermined by photos printed by The Sun shortly afterwards showing Larry with a mouse's tail dangling from his mouth.

 

"He has his flaws, but at least he won't call any snap elections" said one supporter, "Namely because he doesn't know what a snap election is."

 

"It's true, Larry has no great understanding of politics" he continued, "But then neither does Theresa May."

 

At present, it is unknown what Larry thinks of the health service or Brexit, but Backbench understands he prefers French-made cat food to British alternatives, something sure to ruffle the feathers of Tory backbenchers.

 

Allies insist there is no chance of infighting within the party, as Larry is particularly skilled at chasing down anything with feathers.

 

Labour is said to be lining up its own feline leader to replace Jeremy Corbyn, the current Labour leader's creatively named cat El Gato rumoured to be a popular candidate.

 

El Gato has already faced fierce criticism, however, for his alleged friendship with Gerry Adams' goldfish.

A Fake News article (yes, you've got it, this isn't real news) brought to you by Backbench.

 

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