Theresa May to turn herself into an app

1 Feb 2018

Faulty android and prolific squatter Theresa May has today announced her intentions to transform herself into an app, in a desperate attempt to draw young voters to the Conservatives.

 

Mrs May will make the change at some point in the following weeks, after warnings from CCHQ that she just wasn't "down with the kids."

 

The working title for the app is rumoured to be 'MaySpace', a reference to classic social network MySpace. Once popular, the platform is now mocked and outdated.

 

"It's just the model for the Tory Party" said one activist.

 

Once the app is operational, users will be able to submit questions to directly the Prime Minister, provided they are registered Conservative members unlikely to ask anything party hacks deem "relevant."

 

The app's engineers have already warned politicos against being too probing, for fear Mrs May will malfunction again.

 

MaySpace will also include a 'wheat field simulator' users can run through, an imagined space developers say will distract Brits from the poverty they live in.

 

Another made-up feature is a free service through which patrons can have medical emergencies addressed straight away.

 

Downing Street has assured the public that the normal business of government will not be hampered by Mrs May's changed form as because she is barely noticed anyway.

 

Conservative HQ has confirmed the app will come at a small cost, as giving things away for free is "what the commies do."

 

All three of May's allies have called for strict security around the app's command centre in Downing Street, after threats from an anonymous ex-chancellor.

 

Jeremy Corbyn has responded to the plan by releasing the first track from his new grime album, 'Man's Not Prime Minister'.

A Fake News article (yes, you've got it, this isn't real news) brought to you by Backbench.

 

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