Jacob Rees-Mogg to represent UK at Eurovision

12 Feb 2018

 

The Conservatives' Jacob Rees-Mogg, Honourable Member for the Nineteenth Century, has been announced as Britain's entry in the Eurovision Song Contest.

 

Mr Rees-Mogg will attend the anual competition to perform his cover of Bucks Fizz classic 'Making Your Mind Up'.

 

The Tory MP insists the song's title carries no reference at all to the inability of EU and UK leaders to adopt a solid stance on Brexit.

 

Insiders claim Mr Rees-Mogg is keen to "stick it to the Frenchies."

 

He will also use the performance to prove to the continent that British traditions remain untampered thanks to Brexit, presumably by finishing behind Germany.

 

Allies of the walking anachronism have expressed fears that he may be "corrupted" by Eurovision as it is "full of homosexuals."

 

Rehearsals for the programme were called off yesterday after Mr Rees-Mogg was swarmed by balaclava-wearing students while on stage.

 

Contest organisers later confirmed the group was in fact Bulgaria's entry.

A Fake News article (yes, you've got it, this isn't real news) brought to you by Backbench.

 

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