Shock as antisemites revealed to be antisemitic

31 Mar 2018

Westminster was sent into shock this week after it was revealed that those who say antisemitic things are in fact antisemitic.

 

The news proved particularly stunning for Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn, who expressed his disbelief in a statement:

 

"I cannot believe so many of my allies have emerged as antisemites" the absolute boy confessed, "I did not realise selectively-reading their work would lead to this."

 

Mr Corbyn has faced immense criticism for his supposed approval of an antisemitic mural depicting Jewish bankers.

 

Corbyn has assured voters he was "not aware" the mural was offensive, in much the same way George Osborne is a fan of sherbet rather than cocaine.

 

The leader's ignorance is said to be the greatest confusion to strike Europe since France surrendered to Hitler after mistaking his swastikas for intricate pastries.

 

Many Labour MPs have voiced their outrage, demanding their leader be held accountable for his complicity.

 

The Daily Mail joined the campaign amid fears there were too many good people backing the call.

 

Shadow Chancellor John McDonnell denied involvement in antisemitic behaviour, clarifying that it is Tory women and sensible economics that he hates.

 

The Liberal Democrats are believed to have issued a statement on the matter, though highly-sensitive audio equipment has yet to be deployed to detect what was actually said.

 

Labour's antisemitism scandal has not yet shown any sign of waning, though Mr Corbyn's fans remain faithful.

 

"Jeremy made me believe I can be anything I want, regardless of my background or social standing" said one impassioned activist, "And now those Blairites are telling me I can't be an antisemite? They're so out of touch."

 

"We don't need the Jewish vote" said another Momentum member, "We've got Stormzy."

A (sort of ) Fake News article brought to you by Backbench.

 

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