Passing of Queen's last corgi heralds end of days

19 Apr 2018

Her Majesty the Queen's last corgi, Willow, has died, sparking fears that the end of the world is nigh.

 

The regal pup's passing means the Queen is without corgis for the first time in eighty years, a clear sign Britain's fall is only days away.

 

Experts have blamed Brexit.

 

The Queen's corgis have been intergral to the British identity for decades.

 

Shopkeepers have been reassured that Willow's death will not stifle their ability to sell overpriced corgi-inspired knick-knacks to tourists.

 

Backbench approached Her Majesty to ask if she feared for the country now her canine dynasty had ended

 

"So long as it doesn't interfere with Harry's wedding I don't care, mate" the Queen said, stubbing her cigarette on a statue of Princess Diana, "Costing me a bloody fortune, in't it"

 

Her Majesty added that she hoped Earth's demise would allow her to miss the birth of "Wills' new sprog."

 

Backbench also reached out to the government for comment on the forthcoming apocalypse.

 

In a short statement, No.10 confirmed impending doom has been Conservative policy for years.

 

Theresa May has been criticised for not attempting to calm the public, though insiders claim she is making a conscious effort to distract herself, namely by weeping in corners and stamping on the documents of hard-working immigrants.

 

Designated Tory demogogue Jacob Rees-Mogg was, as always, asked for his opinion on the consequences of Willow the Corgi's death.

 

However, as this is Backbench and not the BBC, we have neglected to record said opinion.

 

Other Conservative Brexiteers have blamed Brussels, a rumour now circulating that Guy Verhofstadt murdered the poor dog in an attempt to further undermine Britain.

 

Jeremy Corbyn has refused to offer the Queen his sympathy because of suspcions Willow once met with the Israeli Prime Minister's dog Kaiya.

 

Soon-to-be PM Larry the Cat offered no response, but could be seen smugly sprawling on the steps of Downing Street in a new sequin bowtie.

Rest in Peace, Willow.

 

A Fake News article (yes, you've got it, this isn't real news) brought to you by Backbench.

 

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