Doctors issue warning over 'centrist party epidemic'

2 May 2018

The NHS has issued a stark warning over the steadily growing infestation of fledgling centrist partites.

 

The epidemic, dubbed 'Blairitis', has left journalists "swamped" by invitations.

 

Scientists have yet to discover the root cause of the problem, though many suspect it to be the result of 'middle class disengagement.'

 

"I feel homeless" said one of the afflicted.

 

The patient was keen to differentiate himself from the "grubby, lazy types" he regularly walks past on Oxford Street.

 

Initial cases of Blairitis were discovered shortly after the founding of political loony bin Momentum.

 

Conditions were worsened after Theresa May put an end to the Conservatives' annual Black and White Ball.

 

Blairitis' first victim has been named as a 'Mr Nick Clegg', formerly of Sheffield.

 

Identification is said to have took some time, as no one could remember him.

 

George Osborne was admitted to hospital amid fears he'd contracted the disease, but was instead diagnosed with Schadenfreude Syndrome.

A Fake News article (yes, you've got it, this isn't real news) brought to you by Backbench.

 

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