No-Deal Could Force Rees-Mogg To Switch To Own Brand Anti-Poor Spray

8 Sep 2018

 

Jacob Rees-Mogg has revealed the impact a no-deal Brexit would have on his household after it was reported that a lack of trade deal could cause weekly shopping bills to soar.

 

 “Nanny normally buys me a special repellent to stop the poor people coming too close, as she knows I don’t like the stench. I just spray it whenever I hear the word ‘Wetherspoons’, or a voice north of Birmingham, and they stay back. If it’s not available post-Brexit I’ll have to go back to hissing and throwing money on the ground while jumping backwards.”

 

Supermarket essentials will reportedly be hit the hardest, and the Tory MP reported his household will be feeling the crunch just like the rest of Britain.

 

“The prices of port and escargot will shoot up, and I don’t know how Humphrey Spittletop and Montgomery Christophus will last without their caviar snack pots. We are preparing for the worst.”

 

Mogg remains optimistic however, and assures the public that a no-deal would not prove disastrous. 

 

 “Household cutbacks like these will unfortunately be necessary, but Britain will survive. We just need to pull ourselves up by the bootstraps and get on with it, like in the good old days”.

 

A Fake News article (yep you got us, this isn't real) by @ellamcatherall at Backbench

 

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