Former Labour bobblehead Tony Blair has called for an armed occupation of Islington North after reports emerged that current Labour dartboard Jeremy Corbyn holds devices capable of wide scale devastation.
Blair told the BBC’s Nick Robinson that multiple missile silos exist under Corbyn’s apparently innocuous constituency. General secretary Jeremy can apparently be observed regularly monitoring these weapon caches, cleverly disguised as sewage access.
“The manhole photography, that’s just a cover story!” frothed a desperate Blair having asked Nick to pardon the unfortunate pun.
He called for immediate action to remove the crazed dictator from power for the benefit of both the Islington public and the party in general.
First order of business is to destroy the statue that Corbyn is having built of himself opposite his London home. The statue depicts him giving up a train seat to a disabled, pregnant refugee child. Although Jeremy Corbyn admits that he was present at the commissioning meeting for the monument, he states that he was not involved in it.
After this, Tony wants British military officials to remain in the constituency until a government more compliant to Western values and demands can be established in the Labour party.
While admitting the proposed measures are severe, the former leader shrugged that “it's worked before”.
Blair admits that his end game is to see the Labour leader hung for his dishonesty. This sparked outcry among the residents of Islington North who stampeded to Twitter to cry that the proper term is ‘hanged’.
Jeremy Corbyn has long denied the existence of such weapons of mass destruction. In a calm statement he said: ‘the notion of me possessing such devices is entirely ludicrous. What would I have to gain from having missiles trained on any major city like Washington, Moscow or Israel, what, who said Israel? I didn’t say Israel. You said Israel”.
A Fake News article (yep you got us, this isn't real) by Kieran Macfadzean at Backbench
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