Denmark Better Than UK In Everything, Finds Study

30 Sep 2018


A recent investigation by the University of Copenhagen claims to have uncovered unequivocal proof that Denmark, (along with its Scandinavian neighbours), is objectively superior to the rest of the world.


According to the study, 99% of all Scandinavian citizens are happy with every aspect of their lives. The remaining 1% are expats living elsewhere in the world. Researchers claim that this is, in part, due to extremely liberal and progressive policies the governments implement throughout the education, employment and justice systems.


For instance, it is widely reported that Finnish schoolchildren receive no homework. What is less known is that they also get longer holidays, are never actually asked to enter a school and do not take any exams. Because of this, they consistently receive the highest exam grades of any country in the world. The study claims that removing these unreasonable pressures on pupils allows them to perform better, feel happier and appear more classically attractive than any other country’s youth.


The Danish healthcare system is also cited as a reason for Scandinavia’s objective superiority. Care is freely available to anyone and the number of doctors outnumber the number of citizens who aren’t doctors at a ratio of over 2:1


Up until 2015, it was against the law to be ill. This was changed because it was believed that this system was outdated and oppressive towards micro-organisms like the influenza virus. Finally, the study states the Swedish justice system as ‘just better than countries like the US or UK’. Approximately 0.2% of the population is incarcerated and those that are can leave at any time when they feel they’ve learned their lesson. Prisons have no locks, guards or even doors. Swedish officials say that this trust they place in felons ensures there will be no repeat-offenders.


This study follows a 2017 report from the University of Manchester that found that Scandinavian countries also lead the world in highest average smugness levels, number of interchangeable flags and the amount of national studies conducted.

Fake News article (yep you got us, this isn't real) by Kieran Macfadzean at Backbench


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