Stephen Christopher Yaxley-Lennon, better known as Tommy Robinson, has stated that he plans to change his name again to better engage with working class voters who are turned off by his sumptuous sounding pseudonym.
Tommy says he is yet to decide on the name but predicts that it will be one of George Cross, Stella O’Carlsberg or Yobbo Primarkson.
Robinson says his original plan was to give his name change decision to the results of an online poll. This was vetoed when Deed Poll rejected Twatty McTwatface on grounds of vulgarity.
“Working class people are sick of being lied to and patronised” Robinson said in an impassioned statement through a mouthful of Lambrini at Grimsby Bulldog Sanctuary.
“They need a representative who respects their intelligence, their needs and their willingness to share graphics on Facebook without checking them first” frothed the former EDL leader as he ducked into a Rover 200 draped in a flag depicting St George slaying a dragon with the face of Ashwin from The Kumars at No. 42.
According to Yaxley-Lennon, his supporters had grown suspicious of the Tommy pseudonym after it was revealed to have Aramaic origins which, as far as they were concerned, simply isn’t Christian.
The surname Robinson didn’t help because it had ties to a well-known brand of fruit juice, something much of the demographic disapproved of. “It’s not that they’re against blackcurrants. It’s just that they don’t know why they got the job over a more qualified white currant.” Tommy explained exasperatedly.
A Fake News article (yep, you got us, this isn't real) by Kieran Macfadzean at Backbench
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