A recent UN hearing has ruled that Emmanuel Macron is too good-looking to be president of France, and will be forced to resign in the coming days.
A spokesperson for the council said:
“It just didn’t feel right- he’s too young and smiles too much. It’s disconcerting and gives too much hope to the French people that their country is in good hands.”
The UN have since released guidelines for a new French president, among them the condition that they will have to look haggard, downcast, and in a permanent state of slight distress, “like a wasp has just stung them in the mouth."
It is alleged that the US president initially orchestrated this inquiry, after a disagreement between the leaders at a UN General Assembly meeting earlier this week. Trump has vehemently denied any allegations, claiming that “Macron’s hair is receding faster than his popular support.”
Following this landmark ruling, it has been widely rumoured that the UN will soon launch an inquest into the credibility of Justin Trudeau’s leadership, after it was announced he was planning to launch a 2019 calendar posing topless and oiled up in maple syrup.
A Fake News article (yep you got us, this isn't real) by Ella Catherall at Backbench
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