The Prime Minister’s walk on to her speech at the Conservative Party Conference last week has topped a nationwide poll to discover the most cringe-inducing display of awfulness.
Officials from the newly established Governmental Ministry of Shame declared that “It is extremely unlikely that anything will top this for at least two more years”.
In response to the news, ABBA is reportedly considering removing Dancing Queen from all upcoming set-lists to avoid prompting “Vietnam-style” flashbacks. They are also adding the words ‘Please Don’t’ to the title of their 1978 hit Take a Chance On Me, in response to May’s suggestion that people take a fresh look at the Conservative Party.
The Ministry of Shame was set up in September 2018 to manage and monitor the national levels of embarrassment as part of the government’s Brexit preparations.
“With Boris Johnson looking a likely candidate for a future PM, it’s an exciting time to be working in the industry” said incoming Minister for Shame Dominic Raab. It was thought that, as current Brexit Secretary, he would be the best candidate the position as there is already considerable overlap between jobs.
“We’re basically just going to change the sign on the door and carry on as normal.” Raab said excitedly.
On simultaneously becoming the first three winners of the annual poll, Theresa May was magnanimous in victory.
The PM boasted “It’s good to see the newest Ministry achieving big things so early and I am extremely proud of them”- a phrase that left many shame ministers scratching their heads.
A Fake News article (yep you got us, this isn't real) by Kieran Macfadzean at Backbench
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