Judge rules 'fair enough' after woman murders colleague over premature playing of Christmas song

19 Nov 2018

 

Andrea Collins (29) was today acquitted of any wrongdoing after having thrown a colleague from a 10th story window when he began playing Slades Merry Christmas Everybody on the office speaker.

 

Judge Robert Grinchley ruled that the circumstances of the incident were extraordinary and use of lethal measures was permissible.

 

The deceased, Christopher Cringle (27) is understood to have plugged his phone into the speaker and laughed jovially as he selected the seasonal tune on the morning of November 1st.

 

Collins admitted to promptly opening the window of the office, calmly dragging a struggling Cringle to it and bundling the screaming man out through the opening before returning to work.

 

It is claimed that many other residents of the office aided in prying Cringle’s fingers from the windowsill.

 

Defending attorney Ebenezer Bruge described the case as “the most open-and-shut I’ve ever worked”.

 

Relatives of Cringle released a joint statement on Saturday expressing their sorrow and prayers towards those affected by Christopher’s actions.

 

“We had no idea he was capable of this” wept Cringle’s mother Mary. “To us, he was just a nice quiet boy who wouldn’t even dream of playing Thriller before October”.

 

The Metropolitan Police, following a raid on Cringle’s South London home, understands that he had been plotting his festive playlist for weeks beforehand, visiting disturbing websites like isitchristmas.com.

 

“We’d like to advise the public to keep wary of the warning signs of such behaviour” said Detective Inspector Jake Frost. “November is a particularly dangerous time for this and it needs to be treated with zero tolerance”.

This has been a Fake News story that (unfortunately in this case) is not true by Kieran Macfadzean.

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