Mueller Cornered: Trump raises tariffs on yogurt in effort to slow indictment

29 Nov 2018


Donald Trump has today placed enormous import taxes on the German dairy product manufacturer Müller after a misunderstanding involving the name of a prominent FBI attorney and the word ‘cornered’.


In a tweet, Trump said ‘the loony Dems say that Müller cornered “the fruit” and told the MSM to get ready for a “crunch”. They’re getting DESPERATE in their Witch Hunt! Big problem! Big taxes incoming!’.


When asked for comment on the tariff which will affect all German imports to the US, Chancellor Angela Merkel put her head in her hands and muttered something under her breath about how easy life would be if “we’d bloody won”.


Munch Bunch, Wildlife and Petit Filous will remain unaffected by the tax increase, though the latter was touch and go for a while before advisers explained that the ‘funny words’ were in fact French and not, as the President suspected, ‘Mexican’.





White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders has refused to disclose the contents of the President’s lunchbox.


She instead condemned the “main stream media’s insistence on the idea that Donald Trump is an avid fan of frubes once Mike Pence has opened them for him”.


The President has in past years expressed via Twitter his admiration for the Müller Crunch Corner model as he was a fan of separating the large majority of creamy yogurt from the small amounts of brown flakes.


“It’s much better when the two aren’t mixed” he said in September 2015.

This has been a Fake News article (that's right, this isn't real) by Kieran Macfadzean.


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