The copy of the newspaper was accidentally blown onto the polygraph following the conclusion of dead eyed poverty vampire Jeremy Kyle's latest show.
The newspaper is what Kyle uses before each show to fuel his quota of vitriol towards the poor.
While usually discarded in the shredder so as not to cause harm to others through exposure, this copy of the Mail was improperly disposed of. A blust of wind from one of Jeremy's outbursts towards Callum, an unemployed father of three, reportedly caught the paper and sent it floating through the air like an angry race-baiting seagull.
The newspaper identifies itself as ‘a credible source of journalism’ which is thought to be the inciting incident of the lie detector exploding after a few minutes.
Squatting above his step like a defecating squirrel, Kyle angrily attacked the newspaper for its dishonesty. Speaking of the papers headline, he furiously declared that “you should have put something on the end of it!... more specifically, an asterisk”.
This comes a week after a DNA test revealed The Sun to be a parent of right-wing populism in the UK.
This has been a Fake News article (that's right, this isn't real) by Kieran Macfadzean.
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