Post-Brexit organisers of piss-ups in breweries announced

4 Jan 2019

 

Britain’s contract for alcoholic social events hosted within beverage concoction establishments will expire when the UK leaves the European Union.

 

The Contract is currently held by German company Böözelhünd Vinoberg, with over 150 years’ experience of managing the practise of becoming inebriated in broth-houses.

 

The government announced today that the contract has been awarded to Sober Prohibition inc., a small company based in the historically dry town of Abstinencestwyth in South Wales.

 

The company is well regarded for its long-term management of several health farms and drug rehabilitation centres.

 

Despite the company never having organised a piss-up in a brewery, Brexit secretary Stephen Barclay said that he and the other members of the cabinet felt a strange kinship with the plucky underdog corporation.

 

CEO of SP inc. Beck Blue said that he was incredibly proud to have landed the contract and said that he had exciting plans for Britain’s future piss-ups in breweries.

 

“What I’m really looking forward to doing is extending the range of food options at piss-ups in breweries” he said.

 

“Perhaps greater salad varieties or the replacement of unhealthy things like crisps and pork scratchings with avocado bites or salmon slices”.

 

“We’d also be looking to decrease the alcohol content of some of the drinks available at our piss-ups in breweries, as well as perhaps relocate the events to local function rooms or gymnasiums” he continued.

 

This comes after the earlier announcement that Britain’s hot beverage containment contract has been awarded to Chocolate Teapot Incorporated and that a major NHS prophylactics supply deal has been given to the company that supplies condoms to the Vatican.

This has been a Fake News article (that's right this isn't real) by Kieran Macfadzean.

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