The UK pub chain has today purchased the government of the United States of America with plans to re-open the institution in December of this year.
The pub will be named The Thirst Amendment.
Tim Martin, CEO of Wetherspoons was delighted by the deal that they had struck. He said “we specialise in taking shut down old wrecks and transforming them into gorgeous and exciting places to be sold a £2.15 pint of Hobgoblin”.
Martin continued: “We have only President Trump to thank for sticking to his guns for so long in demanding his wall funding… unfortunately we do have plans to knock a few walls through during the renovation process... It’s just what we think is best for the space… I can see how that might be galling”.
The buyout is expected to save hundreds of jobs for senators and representatives. Martin believes that their experience of proposing and passing bills through congress will be adequate experience for tallying up the bill for a Carling, an all-day breakfast and a pitcher of woo-woo.
The change is also being touted as the best way to get students and young people to engage fully with politics.
As the first Wetherspoons in the US, the venue will represent a unique challenge for the company. First off, any and all signs advertising ‘shooters inside’ will be redesigned with ‘Trump Pints’ to avoid any unfortunate misunderstandings.
This has been a Fake News story (I know, I was convinced too) by Kieran Macfadzean.
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