In a stunning development from Downing street, Theresa May shambled out of the door of Number 10 in her dressing gown and slippers, waved an acquiescent hand and said “fine, you lot do it” before shuffling back inside with the day’s paper and a lit cigarette.
Another advisory referendum will be held on the 27th of March in which the ballot paper will display the options of ‘No’ and ‘Not no’.
If the vote results in a majority for a second referendum, this will then be held on the 28th March.
Seeing as village halls and school gymnasiums could potentially be in permanent use for two days, the government have advised that Slimming World and amateur dramatics societies simply take the time off.
When asked how he will vote in the referendum, Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn responded “look over there” before disappearing in a plume of purple smoke.
The government says that the decision was taken to eliminate any chance of Russian meddling in the vote, which is why the future-defining democratic process will be overseen by only the best and most vigilant bored housewives and parish council secretaries in the country.
The development is exciting news for Scottish voters as they are only one stamp away from completing their referendum loyalty card. Once it’s all filled in they are entitled to one free complete change in governmental system.
This has been a Fake News article (that's right, this isn't real) by Kieran Macfadzean.
Subscribe to our weekly briefing for a chance to vote on whether we should have a referendum to decide on a second referendum.