CERN announce new bigger collider so that they can ‘have another go’ at planet destroying black hole

6 Feb 2019


The European research agency admitted being initially relieved when the widely held fear of the Large Hadron Collider producing tiny black holes turned out to be unfounded in when the machine was turned on in 2008.


Given recent events though, scientists have expressed a renewed interest in the possibility and are committed to making it a reality.


“Honestly, the best-case scenario for scientific progress is currently the complete and final blighting of the planet so we reckon we may as well have another swing at it” said head boffin Nile Hist.


He continued “until this point, we’ve been attempting to discover new particles and expand theoretical physics, it’s quite an exciting opportunity for us to go full on mad scientist. We’ve been pouring beakers of pink liquid into test tubes of green to get in the practise.”.




The new collider will have a circumference of 100km and be the second most expensive ring in history after the one on Mackenzie Bezos’ finger.


Leaders across the globe have rushed to condemn the announcement from underneath Switzerland.


US President Donald Trump stated in a tweet that he was annoyed someone was attempting to beat him to the punch when he worked hard to roll back the Obama policy of having the world continue to exist.


The one world figure in favour was Theresa May who has often wished while in Europe to have the ground to swallow her up.

This has been a Fake News article (yeah, this isn't real) by Kieran Macfadzean.

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