Alien life discovered- David Davis insists on leaving UN to enable the UK to “better tap interstellar market”

13 Feb 2019

 

The former Brexit secretary was heard shouting of the benefits of what he’s calling “plexit” in the centre of Howden while stood on an upturned empty mayonnaise bucket.

 

Standing directly beneath the alien mothership’s gargantuan death laser, Davis confidently tweeted Britain’s unmatched potential to successfully market Vauxhalls to Martians.

 

“David has my full support, he holds all the cards” tweeted Michael Gove.

 

“Britain was just fine before the establishment of international civilisation” he continued while puffing out his chest to bewildered onlookers.

 

“We survived the Permean-Triassic Extinction Event, so I hardly think scaremongering from António Guterres is going to cow the British lion”.

 

 

 

The secretary general responded on twitter with a simple question mark, to which German Chancellor Angela Merkel responded, “Don’t ask”.

 

Mr Davis’ argument goes that with an estimated 100 Billion planets in the Milky Way Galaxy, the idea that Britain should restrict its trade to only one is absurd and basically fascist.

 

In response to the former secretary’s public display, the aliens expressed a keen interest in harvesting the brains of humans for experimentation. They quickly realised this goal would be problematic in Britain and moved on.

 

Davis’s successor Dominic Raab, at a talk at Area 51, expressed his surprise that so much of the world’s trade with space goes by the sky.

This has been a Fake News article (that's right, this isn't real) by Kieran Macfadzean.

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