All around the globe, fans of the British supergroup Labour have been in tears after Chuka Umunna, Luciana Berger, Chris Leslie, Angela Smith, Mike Gapes, Gavin Shuker and Ann Coffey announced they were leaving due to creative differences with their bandmates.
The rest of Labour have issued a statement saying that they are staying together and that fans should not be worried about the release of future manifestos.
The group, which came from relative obscurity in the late 19th century to become one of the most successful parties in British history, is most well known for their popular hits such as The NHS, The Welfare State and Ed Miliband’s Twitter Account.
The hole left by the departing teammates is likely to leave a significant mark on the dynamic of the group.
Chris Leslie, for instance was always regarded as ‘the bad boy of the group’ with mothers and fathers up and down the country fearing what scandalous ideas he was putting in the minds of their young daughters with his rustic vocabulary and undulating hips.
Angela Smith meanwhile was thought of as the teary heartthrob, writing sensitive pieces like ‘If you’re thinking about my baby, it don’t matter if you’re a funny tinge’.
The loss of Mike Gapes is also likely to be damaging for the bands image, as Gapes was known for sporting outlandish and ostentatious outfits in public, most infamously his unusually burgundy tie which shocked fans at a meeting in Ilford.
Charismatic Labour frontman Jeremy Corbyn, having lifted his head from a mound of Columbian cocaine, to claim that he was “bigger than Jesus and didn’t need the backstabbing b*****ds anyway”.
The face of the group is famous for emulating popular band The Who in his style of delivery. Where Pete Townsend would smash up his guitar at the end of every public appearance, Corbyn does the same with his chance of election.
This is a Fake News article (that's right, this is only sort of real) by Kieran Macfadzean.
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