Smaug to be evicted from Lonely Mountain as it turns out he sleeps on now worthless pound sterling

28 Mar 2019

 

 

 

The most specially greedy, strong and wicked worm Smaug, famed for his ‘enthusiastic acquisition’ of the Kingdom of Erebor was today removed from the high-value property by bailiffs due to his personal coffers being unable to support such a lavish location.

 

Apparently unbeknownst to the fire-breathing behemoth, the vast majority of the gold that makes up his horde was in pound sterling, a commodity whose value has dropped faster than the reputation of Peter Jackson.

 

The property is now reportedly being eyed up by a string of property developers and investment bankers who buried a lot of assets in the Kuwait Dinar.

 

Speaking sheepishly, the monstrous drake expressed his intention to relocate to Gibraltar and attempt to open an English bakery.

 

 

 

The property itself, a vast cavernous mountain neighbouring a large lake has been valued at the sort of prices to make the ex-wife of a Conservative MP blush.

 

There have been calls for the area to be given back to the dwarfish people from which it had been originally commandeered.

 

This idea was put to various cultural representatives in the UK, including the British museum who stated officially: “naaaaaaaaaaahhh, we’ll keep it we reckon”.

 

It has also been suggested that the Lonely Mountain is converted into a National trust heritage site. Though this has been countered by sceptics who believe velvet ropes are insufficient defense against thieving hobbits.

 

“They can just walk under them” one keen observer noted.

This has been a Fake News article (that's right, none of this is real, except dragons obviously) by Kieran Macfadzean.

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